I'm tired and sad. And I'm pretty sure it's because of my involvement with you.
There's nothing wrong with you (although your cousin High Fructose Corn Syrup is evil); it's me.
You're far too seductive for me. I can't taste just a little or I jones until my next fix. You're highly addictive. Or maybe that's me, too.
At any rate, we're not good together. I can feel it. Sometimes the fascia under my skin vibrates. I feel sick to my stomach and headache-y and still I eat on, thinking "Maybe this time it'll make me feel better." Or even, "I don't care if I feel bad, I can't stop anyway!"
And I despise myself for that weakness. It's LAME. So then I feel lame. And a downward spiral spins so deep, I can't fathom a way back up. I huddle there, cold, exhausted, and not wanting to be conscious anymore. Escapist movies and more food cravings accompany me. I can't see my way out. Usually I hold my breath until eventually I break the surface.
I just can't live like that.
It's not worth the high anymore.
And, truthfully, I'm devastated about that.
I like you, Sugar.
I crave you.
You're fun to have at parties, or to snuggle up with in the evenings after dinner, while we watch movies together.
We've been together for a long, long time. 43 years, even.
But I just can't be with you anymore.
I get sick when I'm around you. I am an addict.
I don't care about myself or anyone else when you are around.
You affect my ability to make rational and healthy choices for myself.
I just can't anymore. Even though I'm scared to live without you. Even though I'm sad to live without you.
I love you, Sugar, but this is good-bye.
After I signed my name, I wept. I felt terrified and hopeless. Not at all invigorated and inspired like I thought I would. Kind-of numb, too. Already thinking of other ways I can medicate the pain/fear away...(I don't even know if Netflix will work anymore, since the two went hand-in-hand.)